Fat-burning fidgety shivers?

I used to be a fidgeter. I’d tap on things and bounce my leg so fast that Tom would sometimes reach over and put his hand on my knee as if to say, “Enough. That’s driving me nuts.” Fidgeters don’t often realize that our small yet frenetic movements can make the table shake just enough to be annoying.

Over the years, I’ve calmed down the leg bouncing so I won’t look like I just guzzled a gallon of energy drinks. But yesterday, I heard something that made me think maybe I was onto something with all that fidgeting, and I didn’t even know it.

I was listening to a podcast by a neuroscientist named Andrew Huberman, Ph.D., who is also an associate professor of neurobiology at Stanford. He discussed how the nervous system can help accelerate the body’s ability to burn fat. It’s not a magic trick or anything. He acknowledges that the number of calories we eat versus how many we burn is an undeniable factor in how much we weigh. (Total buzzkill.) But it’s also true that small movements — like leg bouncing, pacing, standing, taking the stairs, playing with the dog, and watering the plants — add up to a bigger calorie burn than you might expect. There are medical studies that prove it.

This type of fat-burning process is called NEAT, which stands for Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis. It’s a mouthful, I know, but frankly, they had me at “non-exercise.”

I wish I could tell you exactly how the body turns an individual fat cell into energy. I read the detailed explanation twice, but we’d probably need biology degrees to fully grasp it. So, I’ll boil it down to the parts I understand: Movement, even muscle contractions as small as shivering, can help fatty acids break out of their cells like the Kool-Aid man busting through a wall. Once the acids are moving, hormones like adrenaline can help burn fat, which then leaves the body in urine or through exhaling carbon dioxide.

The podcast professor had plenty to say about shivering as a form of NEAT movement. He said some people mistakenly believe that plunging into ice-cold water will help burn fat. But that kind of shock to the system can potentially cause a heart attack. Instead, he said you can get cold enough to trigger a fat-burning shiver and keep it going for two to three minutes. Then, get out of the cold for about three minutes until you stop shivering. He suggested we could repeat the process about three times in a row, aiming for a shiver session twice a week. If it sounds unpleasant, that’s because I’m sure it is.

Taking the stairs and bouncing my leg sounds easier, and I’m betting that no one has ever shivered herself skinny. But maybe next winter, when it’s cold enough to be uncomfortable, I’ll pace around our driveway without wearing a coat. Tom will likely see me and say, “It’s freezing! What are you doing out here?”

And I’ll say, “I’m mobilizing my fatty acids. It’s science!”

Then he’ll slowly shake his head, as he often does, and silently wonder what it would be like if his wife was not so weird. Guess he’ll never know.

Experts agree that fidgeting and shivering can’t counteract a chronic pizza habit. Still, it’s great news that moving like a Nervous Nellie could help shrink my middle-aged belly. It’s about time all this twitchy unease finally did me a favor. If only mental worries could burn fat like physical fidgeting does, I’d be only slightly thicker than a postcard. But we’ve got to take the wins where we find them.

I’m not willing to suffer like a wet kitten shivering in a sleet storm. But am I typing these words while bouncing my leg up and down like a hummingbird on cocaine? You can bet your fine fidgety behind on it.

Gwen Rockwood is a syndicated freelance columnist. Email her at gwenrockwood5@gmail.com. Her book is available on Amazon.