The Father’s Day Top Ten List

One day Tom accused me of not being able to admit when I’m wrong. I told him he was probably wrong about that, but I did take his comment under advisement. Maybe I’m a tad stubborn when it comes to admitting when my way isn’t the best way.

So for a Father’s Day gift, I told Tom and my dad I’d write a list of things they’ve been right about. They looked dubious. “I’ll even publish it,” I said, taking it a step further.

“And then you’ll say it’s the shortest column you ever wrote, right?” Tom asked, taking the punch line right out of my mouth.

It took brutal honesty to come up with the list, but here it is documented for the world to see: “Top 10 Things the Men Were Right About.”

10. “Things add up.” Tom, remember when you started grousing about the bills and I pointed out that the new clothes I bought were on sale? And then you said all those sale prices add up? Well… okay. You were right. I suppose there’s no arguing with math.

9. “That rock music is too loud.” Dad, the years have proved you right. Music really can be too loud, and these days it gets on my nerves when it is. But lately I find myself wanting to say the same thing to you when you and your aged ears insist on watching the History Channel at a volume so loud it shakes the windows.

8. “Ugly recliners are comfortable.” Yes, Tom, you’re right about the hideous recliner. It feels like sitting in a bag of jumbo marshmallows. But I still contend it’s better to have an attractive chair you don’t have to hide from houseguests rather than a cowhide version of the Michelin Man.

7. “Lectric Shave removes stains.” For decades, my dad has insisted on the all-purpose stain removing power of his after-shave lotion – a bottle of green liquid called “Lectric Shave”. He uses it on everything. I’ll admit that I, too, have stashed a bottle away for emergencies, and I’ve even used it to remove permanent ink. But it makes me wonder, Dad, if you should be using industrial strength cleaner on your skin.

6. “Don’t assume the worst.” Tom says my mind always jumps to the worst-case scenario about everything. I worry too much, he insists. He may be right about that, but then again I worry that maybe he’s not – which probably proves his point.

5. “A little dirt won’t kill you.” Having three kids is like living in a germ-filled petri dish. So Dad was right. If a little dirt killed you, we’d be long gone by now.

4. “It’s the same thing.” I had to hear it from a pharmacist to confirm it, but you were right about the over-the-counter medicines, Tom. The generic stuff will relieve the headache I’m getting from admitting you’re right.

3. “It is what it is,” Tom says every time there’s a situation I don’t like but can’t change. Frustrating but true.

2. Maybe I do snore – a little. Our three kids have recently backed up your claim. But if I do snore, I’m sure it’s a dainty, ladylike snore that’s not worth mentioning in the first place.

1. “I know more than you think I do.” Despite the occasional eye roll to the contrary, yes – you guys do actually know a thing or two. Perhaps women don’t always give you credit.

And here’s the one thing I know for sure: You’re both great dads, and I’m lucky to have you. Happy Father’s Day.

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