By Gwen Rockwood, newspaper columnist, novelist, and mom of 3
A few months ago, I realized the first minute of the day felt consistently scary. Mornings were nothing like the peaceful, idyllic images you see in coffee commercials. I wasn’t waking with a slow yawn and a gentle stretch. I was bolting straight up with such a jolt that it spiked my heart rate even before my feet hit the floor.
For years, I’d used the same alarm sound on my iPhone clock app. And although that sound hasn’t changed, my body has. The progesterone level of women in their late 40s to early 50s falls off a cliff, often taking the nervous system with it. Little did we know that progesterone not only helped us grow babies, it also protected the brain from overstimulation. Annoyances that didn’t faze us 10 years ago are now tap dancing on our last frayed nerve. Biology can be a real kick in the teeth sometimes.
That’s why the same sound that simply woke me up for years is now the sound that sends me into “fight or flight” the moment my eyes fly open. And I certainly don’t want to start each day trying to calm down from the first 10 seconds of consciousness. So I set out to find a kinder, gentler alarm clock that wouldn’t trigger panicky swatting at the snooze button.
After some research on the Sleep Foundation’s nonprofit website, I bought a clock with a two-phase alarm system. About 10 minutes before the scheduled wake-up time, the clock plays 30 seconds of a mellow sound like a chime or a long note that gradually fades into silence. It’s equivalent to someone whispering, “Hey, it’ll be time to wake up soon,” before they tiptoe back out of your room. It’s lovely.
Then, about nine minutes later, a different, peppier melody begins to play and keeps going until I fully wake up and turn it off. But it’s all very soothing — no instant, loud blaring like I’m waking up in a bomb raid. Speaking for myself and my hair-trigger nervous system, we love this thing. When I’ve slept well for seven or eight hours, this alarm clock’s gentle nudging is all I need to wake up and feel just like those calm, happy women in the Folgers commercial.
But there’s a catch. (Isn’t there always?) Middle age is also infamous for disrupting sleep quality. And after the occasional night of not-so-great sleep, it’s harder to wake up than it used to be. So maybe what I need is an alarm clock that will whisper sweet bird sounds in my ear, but then — if that doesn’t work — it should blast me with an air horn, call me names, and threaten to key my car. Can I get one of those on Amazon?
My 19-year-old daughter is such a chronic snooze button abuser that she’s now using an alarm clock app that forces her to complete math problems before she can turn off the obnoxious siren. But I know that won’t work for me. Even if I guzzled three Mountain Dews and a Red Bull, I still wouldn’t be able to add fractions under pressure. I’m a former English major who knows her limitations.
What I need is a Jekyll and Hyde alarm system — soft on the good days, harsh on the lazy ones. So I’ve combined my new gentle alarm clock with my old, terrifying one. If the slow onramp to wakefulness doesn’t work, I have a backup system using the old alarm, which simulates waking up in a horror movie just as the killer wearing the hockey mask kicks down the door. You know, just another Tuesday.
Sleep well, dear readers. And do all you can to protect your nervous systems.
Gwen Rockwood is a syndicated freelance columnist. Email her at gwenrockwood5@gmail.com. Her books are available on Amazon.