If you’re old enough, you may remember a TV commercial that featured a cartoon owl in a tree who answers a little boy’s question: “How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie pop?” Lately, I’ve been asking myself a similar question about the newest dog in our family: “How many throws of the tennis ball does it take to wear out a dog who likes to run?” (Mac the Goldendoodle, still has the kind of puppy energy that rivals a toddler who has eaten three too many cupcakes.) I’m not sure I’ve found the answer to the question yet, but the research is fun. People say, “a tired dog is a good […]

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Sometimes we self-proclaimed “indoorsy” people get seduced by the sunshine of a perfect spring day. Last Sunday was one of those days, and my mom and I felt a magnetic pull to the gardening store which was bursting with new hanging baskets and flats of flowers. After lunch, we shopped and then loaded up the back of my SUV with our favorites. Even the plants seemed thrilled to be going to their new home on such a beautiful day. We have happy hydrangeas, joyful geraniums, perky petunias, celebratory calibrachoa and much more. As we began putting flowers into the pots we’d saved from last summer, Tom opened the backdoor and let the dogs barrel outside to join us. They chased […]

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I dialed the number and, after a few rings, a recorded voice answered. Recording: “Thank you for calling ABC Clinic. Your call is very important to us.” Me: Is it? If you really felt that way, wouldn’t I be talking to someone with a pulse right now? But I appreciate the sentiment. Go on. Recording: “Please listen closely as our menu options have changed.” Me: Wait a second. You said this same thing the last time I called. How often are you guys changing phone options? I’d bet good money it’s still Option 3, just like it was the last time I called. But I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. Go ahead and outline the options. Recording: “For […]

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Instructor: “Now, wrap the fabric around your wrists and then pull yourself upside down to do the inverted starfish.” Me (inside my head): “Wait… what? Is she serious right now?” I glanced around and saw the feet of nine other people go up in the air. Apparently, she was serious. This was happening. I didn’t want to be the only fraidy cat in the class, so I took a deep breath and pulled. Suddenly I was upside down, hanging only by my wrists, with my head suspended a few feet off the floor. I was torn between two thoughts – “Yay, I did it!” and “This could go so very wrong.” Before I describe what happened next, I should explain […]

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Dear College Freshmen, I won’t try to sugarcoat it. Your freshman year sucked. It wasn’t at all what your older friends, the movies or even your parents told you it would be. It was… underwhelming, at best. I know this because my oldest son is one of you. On a recent weekend visit home, he said that, so far, college feels like a weird continuation of high school. He didn’t say this next part out loud, but I got the distinct vibe that, on the inside, he and millions of other college freshmen are wondering, “Is this really all there is?” College was supposed to be this amazing launch into a new, exciting, adventurous phase of life, right? Except yours […]

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Tom: “Is it just me, or does this feel a little like Christmas Eve?” Gwen: “It really does. I guess it makes sense. We’ve been waiting a whole year.” Tom: “It’s weird how excited I am about this.” Gwen: “Me, too. I can hardly wait for tomorrow morning. I’d turn a cartwheel right now if I wasn’t afraid of breaking something and missing the appointment.” And this, my friends, is the kind of conversation that happens in 2021 – when you’re about to go to sleep at night and wake up on Vaccination Day. It’s the most wonderful time of the year. I’d felt a similar joy in early February when our state began offering vaccinations to people over 70, […]

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Our family has grown by 50 furry pounds. His name is Mac, and we’re all in love. We hadn’t planned on adding another dog to the family, but some things are meant to be before we realize it. A few months ago, we explored the possibility of finding a service dog for our 14-year-old daughter, who was diagnosed with epilepsy early last year. Service dogs can be trained to respond to seizures, get help, and soothe jagged nerves once the episode is over. But not every dog is cut out for the job. It takes a special temperament along with an ability to learn and perform his duties. So, I talked to a non-profit organization in Indianapolis that specializes in […]

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I had a birthday this month, and The New York Times gave me a wonderful present. On the day I turned a year older (which in Covid times equals roughly eleven years), the newspaper published a story so gross, so weird and yet so oddly fascinating that I’ve been talking about it ever since. Tom can’t figure out why this particular story riveted me the way it did, but I bet many of you will feel the same way. I’ll paraphrase the most important points relayed by writer Annie Roth who published the story earlier this month, complete with video footage that’s sure to make you say “Ew!” Here’s what happened: One day a research scientist walked into her lab […]

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Yesterday I watched my 14-year-old daughter text her best friend, and I realized something. Generally speaking, a person’s age is a direct correlation of their texting speed. Like my daughter, I text my friends often, too. And I’ve been using a smartphone a lot longer than my kids. But somehow, her texting speed is easily ten times that of my own. Her fingers move at warp speed. My fingers move at the speed of a rusty bicycle. It’s embarrassing. Unlike some, I’ve never mastered the two-handed method of smartphone typing. Give me a traditional computer keyboard, and I’m practically a Lamborghini, thanks to all the practice I’ve had typing essays these past 20 years. But there’s something about the smartphone’s […]

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Last night I opened a bathroom drawer to reach in for a clean hand towel. There wasn’t one there. I sighed and shuffled toward the laundry basket in the next room, where the folded towels had been sitting in procrastination purgatory for at least two days – clean but not yet put away. I grabbed a towel, headed back to the bathroom and heard a voice in my head say, “One of these days I’m really going to get it together.” Somehow, this made me feel better – optimistic that once I reached that elusive “someday,” my proverbial ducks would be lined up in an organized row, each one carrying a clean, folded hand towel. Just for the sake of […]

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