Here’s something that almost never happens: You ask someone, “How are you?” And they respond with this: “I’m in so much pain I don’t know what to do.” But sometimes, that’s the unspoken answer. Those in pain don’t often say it because they know most people wouldn’t know what to do with that uncomfortable truth. So, instead, they follow the script and hit a more pleasant ball back over the conversation net. “I’m okay. How are you?” But they’re not okay, and the people who love them and witness their day-to-day pain aren’t okay either. I’ve been thinking about physical pain for months now. Not because I’m in it. Gratefully, I’m not. But I’ve seen it up close. I’ve seen […]

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If you’ve ever wanted to bite a baby’s tiny foot or put a puppy in your pocket so you can squeeze it all day, you are not a monster. Thanks to scientific research, we now understand why you and I and many others have this strange compulsion to squeeze, bite, and otherwise gobble up adorable human and baby animals. It’s called “cute aggression,” and it’s all about balancing out the big emotions in your brain. If your great Aunt Tilda pinched your cheeks when you were little or hugged you a bit too hard, you should forgive her now. She wasn’t being mean or weird. Her brain was just overwhelmed by your extreme cuteness, and she needed to come down […]

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Despite what you may have heard on the playground, London Bridge is not falling down. In fact, it’s quite sturdy. I know this because I rode over London Bridge in a taxi – one of many things I did last week during summer vacation. This trip was a lucky turn of events. Tom had a business conference scheduled initially for California that was suddenly moved to London. He suggested I fly over to meet him there after his meetings so we could add a short vacation to the end of his trip. It was a rare chance for both of us to see London while only paying for one airfare. (We ditched our kids and told them to take care […]

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My last baby was born more than 17 years ago. I remember because I gagged nearly every day for nine months before she made her entrance into the world. I gagged when I opened my eyes in the morning. My stomach lurched when I brushed my teeth. I heaved at the smell of food, but I also gagged for no reason at all. A lovely spring breeze, a TV commercial for roofing, and even a simple yawn could double me over. But that was a long time ago, and I thought I was done with that. I was wrong. But this time, it’s not a human baby and a flood of hormones triggering my gag reflex. This time around, it’s […]

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Disney executives are smart. We know this because they’ve created a destination called “the happiest place on Earth.” Disney’s Magic Kingdom is North America’s most visited theme park, drawing more than 16 million people toward Cinderella’s Castle each year. I was one of those people just a few weeks ago when Tom and I took our two college boys and a high school girl to Orlando to celebrate her recent graduation. We didn’t stay long because a few people in our family (raising my hand) could only tolerate the big crowds and long lines for a couple of days. But I was there long enough to figure out what Disney truly needs — an interstate. Why should there be an […]

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On May 17th, exactly 33 years after I graduated high school, my baby girl turned her graduation tassel, too. Her service dog Mac, dressed in a matching cap and gown, trotted along beside her as she crossed the stage to receive her diploma. They both graduated with honors, and Mac received the “seal of biliteracy” on his diploma because he is fluent in understanding both dogs and humans. So, it’s official, my friends. The three kids I’ve written about for more than 20 years are now high school graduates. And that means Tom and I will have three kids in college by this fall. (Send prayers and lottery tickets.) I didn’t cry when Kate’s older brothers graduated high school. When […]

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Sleep is beautiful. But the physical act of sleeping isn’t. That’s why I roll my eyes during rom-com movies when the man wakes up early (yeah, right) to gaze adoringly at the woman he loves while she sleeps. Little does he know that she’s not sleeping. She’s acting. She’s doing her best impression of Sleeping Beauty from a Disney movie she watched in the 80s. And she knows he’s watching. It’s not dreamland. It’s deliberate posing. She probably woke up an hour ago to brush her teeth and hair before silently slipping back into bed so she’d be ready for this princess-perfect performance. But here in the real world, when the cameras aren’t rolling and the handsome prince isn’t watching, […]

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Welcome to the year of the bug. We’re just in time to witness two giant broods of cicadas rising from the ground like a horde of zombie bugs. How many zombie bugs? Definitely billions. But most likely trillions. There’s no official tree-to-tree cicada census, so it’s hard to be sure. But we’re sure they’re here because they’re loud – so loud that some people have called the police to make noise complaints about the roaring, whining sound that scientists say registers at about the same decibel level as a lawnmower or a jet flying overhead. No matter how noisy it gets, police can’t do anything about it. There’s not enough departmental funding to buy teeny tiny cicada handcuffs that only […]

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Those yellow-bellied dusty devils are at it again. They’ve launched their annual full-scale attack, and no amount of antihistamines can stop them. If you’re whipping tissues out of the box faster than a Wild West gunslinger, you’re not alone. My whole family has been doing it for weeks. All of us, even the dogs, have to line up for a daily Zyrtec. We do regular snorts of allergy nasal spray. And it’s all because of the catkins. Let me formally introduce you to a meddling little menace you’ve probably seen for years but never knew its name. Catkins are those fuzzy, yellowish-brown strings that fall from trees each spring, usually in April. At first glance, you might mistake a catkin […]

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As losses go, this isn’t a big one. I shouldn’t even care. Still, I’m sad about it. It’s hard to accept that the best jeans in my closet – and possibly the world – are on their last threads. At least nothing tragic happened. By all measures, the jeans lived a good, long life. They’re dying of natural causes — namely, years of use and the friction of putting one leg in front of the other thousands of times. All those steps have led to an unfortunate hole. Why would I say goodbye to my favorite jeans over a harmless hole? Don’t some people pay crazy money for new jeans with gaping holes? Well, yes, they do. Deliberately “distressed” jeans […]

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