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Poopsy Pets: Epic fail in the toy aisle

By Gwen Rockwood, newspaper columnist and mama of 3 My favorite humor writer, Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist Dave Barry, is famous for the line “I am not making this up.” He uses it when writing about things that are so absurd that any sane person would assume he’s taking creative liberties with his description when, in fact, the description happens to be ridiculous AND true. I thought of Dave’s famous line when my daughter spotted a...

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Love Brands: Don’t mess with my toilet paper

By Gwen Rockwood, newspaper columnist and mama of 3 Tom did something shocking the other day. He came home from the store with a few things I’d asked him to pick up before the next snowstorm hit. As I unloaded the shopping bags, I stopped short. I picked up one of the packages, turned it around in my hands in disbelief and then held it up to Tom, as if he’d accidentally brought home toxic waste. “What is THIS?” I asked. “It’s toilet...

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Your call is very important to us

If you’re on the phone and you hear the following words, you’ll know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that what you’re hearing is a big, fat, hairy LIE: “Your call is very important to us. The next representative will be with you shortly.” Yesterday I heard that whopper roughly 67 times while I waited for a non-computerized voice to come on the line and offer what we used to know as “customer service.” But thanks to technology, the...

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The New Year’s Day Downer

To be honest, I’m not a huge fan of the whole New Year’s shtick. When I was single, I dreaded New Year’s Eve because there was far too much pressure on it. If the evening didn’t play out like my favorite chick-flick movie and end with a kiss worthy of an orchestra swell in the background, the whole night felt like a complete bust. Once I made it through a disappointing New Year’s Eve, I had to contend with the buzzkill that is New...

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My bra is showing

I’ve been all over town with my black bra showing – and it’s entirely my husband’s fault. Let me explain. It started a few weeks ago when Tom drove the kids to gymnastics lessons in my minivan. I stayed home to catch up on work. On the way home, he hit a deer – a big one. Thankfully, he and the kids weren’t hurt, and, shortly after impact, the deer got up and ran off into the woods. The minivan bumper, however, was not so lucky. I...

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A letter of apology to Thanksgiving

Dear Thanksgiving, No matter how many twinkle lights go up around town or how many holiday songs I hear on the radio, I haven’t forgotten you. November is yours. I have a turkey decoration on the center of my kitchen table, and that bird will stay in its place of prominence until the sun sets on November 28th. I promise. For years now, you’ve been getting the short end of the wishbone, thanks to a phenomenon they call “Christmas Creep.”...

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